User blog:Bantha117/BatMunk vs SuperTigger: Dawn of Undetermined Quality
I wrote all of this on a sugar high late at night last night. I take no responsibility for what came of it. Go read TK and Lexi's things. THERE WILL PROBABLY BE SPOILERS. STOP RIGHT NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT. ONLY WARNING. Feature Presentation FROM THE MUNK THAT BROUGHT YOU: ...idk Captain Hook vs Maleficent? Ye let’s go with that FROM THE MUNK THAT BROUGHT YOU CAPTAIN HOOK VS MALEFICENT BATMUNK v SUPERTIGGER DAWN OF UNDETERMINED QUALITY STARRING Bantha Elevendy-Seven Tigjer “is” Normaal Matt the Radar Technician and a very angry Gliscor ...also some other shoehorned users Bantha: Long, long, long ago, my parents RIP-ed. That was pretty shit. So I put on some latex bodyarmor and became Bat-Munk! And it was cool. But then a lot of shit happened. Maybe we’ll show some of that in my inevitable solo movie. ($$$) But for now, I’m retired. And angsty. I also have Scar as my butler. He’s safe because he can’t kill my dad. Some jerkass already did. Anyway, now I’m angry at this thing over there. (*Points to Super-Tigger*) Bantha: Over there, my friend, you see a piece of shit. He blew up a city. If you thought his 9/11 jokes were bad… well, they are. But now he’s gone and outdid the event itself. He destroyed Wiktropolis and then snapped General Scraw’s neck. So I guess that part’s k, since now he’s dead. Just like my parents. Super-Tigger: um excuse me NIGGER, I saved shit. Bantha: I agree, you saved shit. You saved nothing at all. Super-Tigger: Don’t use my words against me you NIGGER. I’m a reporter. Bantha: Wot. Super-Tigger: Oh well, not like they ever focus much on the plot-point anyway. Bantha: Alrighty then. I’ll be over here glaring. Super-Tigger: I’ll call you back when you’ve stopped being a NIGGER. Bantha: You really want that R-rating, don’t you? Super-Tigger Naw. That’s the Super Chocolatey Extended Edition. ($$$) Now I have to go kill some Muslims! (*Super-Tigger does the zippity zap with the blap, and throws a few of Donald Trump’s hated minority of the week through a wall.*) Super-Tigger: I saved you! Lois Lane: Why am I not a Wiki user, too? Writer!Bantha: Because I couldn’t think of who you’d be. Lois Lane: Did you hear something? Super-Tigger: I have super-hearing! I can hear when NIGGERS get hung! Lois Lane: I think it’s hanged. Super-Tigger: What are you, some kind of Grammar NIG-I mean Nazi? Lois Lane: I don’t know. I wasn’t given any character. Writer!Bantha: I don’t know if that’s fair. Just because I didn’t give you a Wiki-flavored character doesn’t mean you don’t have a personali- Super-Tigger: SUPER-HEARING! Writer!Bantha: I should probably advance the plot more now. These things usually run for like 3 hours. Super-Tigger: While you were talking I’ve been doing a lot of cool stuff in a hero montage! (*In the deep dark lair of the Bat-Munk*) Bantha: I don’t trust him. Coupe: I’m supposed to be Alfred in this? Well, alright. Bantha: My parents died. Coupe: This is the truth. Wait does that mean I’m also Scar? Bantha: He needs to be stopped. Coupe: Why not make me BreZ then? Writer!Bantha: This isn’t going anywhere. Next scene. Lexi Luthor: This might be the most unoriginal name-change yet. Night, tell the senator I want that Kryptonite. Night: He didn’t have any place to put me other than as her assistant? Really? Writer!Bantha: I wanted to have all the staff in. Plus it fits with the genderflip of Lex being a girl. Now that’s enough breaking of the fourth wall. Lexi: I don’t hear anything about a senator... Night: Fine. I’ll contact Senator Elastigirl. Sen. Elastigirl: Hey, I’ve done more movies than just The Incredibles. Writer!Bantha: You guys only lasted one line before breaking the fourth wall again. This isn’t Deadpool. Deadpool: Chimichanga? Writer!Bantha: I was going to save Greek Gods for later, but you’ve left me no choice. Zeus? (*Lightning strikes Deadpool.*) Writer!Bantha: Anyway… Sen. Elastigirl: I’m not giving that Kryptonite. Lexi: But I want it! Sen. Elastigirl: And I want to be known for other parts besides Elastigirl. Writer!Bantha: ffs. Scene change. Lexi: Not before I piss in a bucket! Writer!Bantha: No one’s even seen the movie yet. Don’t make jokes about plot points. Lexi: Then what’s the point of this whole thing? Writer!Bantha: So can you guys hear me or not? Super-Tigger: SUPER-HEARING! (*Now Lexi is hosting a really expensive fundraiser about books or something. The movie’s pretty vague about the details.*) Lexi: I give a shitty attempt at a speech. I’m so awkward. Bantha: I’m rich, so I was invited. Now I’m going to hack into your shit. Wonder: Not if I cockblock you first! Bantha: Dammit. Tiger: Oh, hello Bantha. What are your thoughts on the terror of the Bat-Munk? Bantha: He’s sexy. Tiger: Wot. Bantha: I said I think he’s doing what’s right, unlike that Super-Tigger fellow. Tiger: *squints* Writer!Bantha: For the record, not an Asian joke. I just needed something for him to do. (*Now Bantha is at some other event, in an attempt to get the thing from Wonder.*) Bantha: Can I have the thing? Wonder: No. Bantha: Dammit. Writer!Bantha: I’m making Wonder give it to him. Wonder: K. Bantha: Damm-wait, yay. (*In the deep dark lair of the Bat-Munk*) Bantha: I’m doing some cool computer shit. Flat-sh: I’m time-travelling! Maybe. I don’t know. Dream Sequence? Bantha: Wot. Flat-sh: For the record this beats Lexi for laziest name-change. Bantha: Oh these are cool secret videos of other secret superheroes who don’t appear after this but are here now so yeah go DC Extended Universe! (*Screen shows some cool shit being done by Aqua-GG, Flat-sh, and the birth of CyGIR.*) Bill Nye: I’m playing a black man who’s apparently a surgeon of some sort. Ben Carson: I was robbed of a good acting role! Writer!Bantha: Actually you were just too busy sleeping to answer my calls. Bill Nye: This guy behind me is pretty much dead by all standards of health. But I’m going to save him by implanting some cool robot shit. (*Cool robot shit is added to what should be a perfectly dead guy*) CyGIR: What happened? Bill Nye: I saved you!... I think. How are you feeling? CyGIR: I feel… like writing rap battles! Bill Nye: Is this just a joke about him being black? Green Loygan: Why aren’t I in this scene? Writer!Bantha: Warner Bros. was scared to use you since your movie bombed. Green Loygan: ;-; Bantha: Holy shit Wonder is Wonder Woman? Writer!Bantha: *shrug* Super-Tigger: I haven’t saved anyone or said NIGGER in like 5 scenes. I thought this was my movie. Writer!Bantha: Warner Bros. decided this was a Batman movie. He’s on screen for like 20 minutes more than you are. Super-Tigger: wtf Writer!Bantha: *shrug* Let’s just cut to the court scene with Sen. Elastigirl. Sen. Elastigirl: Today is a day for truth. The truth that I’m more than just Elastigirl, ffs. FDR: Don’t care. I’m just gonna blow this place up. Writer!Bantha: I don’t even think people who saw the movie will get that one. (*BOOM*) Super-Tigger: crai Writer!Bantha: We don’t have time for you to angst over this. We haven’t even had Bat-Munk fight Super-Tigger yet. Lexi: Let’s fix that. But first, I’ll cut myself and spill the blood over a dead man. Writer!Bantha: That’s a… dark way of putting it. Lexi: I’m creating life! Lois Lane: I’m gonna be the damsel-in-distress again? Writer!Bantha: *checks script* Yep. Lois Lane: I swear this love-interest-for-a-superhero shit is an endangerment to my health. Gwen Stacy: Bitch please. Super-Tigger: Here I come, to save the day! Lexi: I also have ur mum. Super-Tigger: Wot. Green Loygan: That should be my catchphrase. ;-; Writer!Bantha: *pats Loygan on back* shhhhh it’ll be okay. Wonder Woman had to wait 75 years before appearing in a movie that wasn’t LEGO. Lexi: You can’t save her. Super-Tigger: Why not? Lexi: You need to fight Bat-Munk. Super-Tigger: I do? Lexi: Well it’s in the title. Super-Tigger: It is? Lexi: With the way this movie’s been going, it might as well not be. Super-Tigger: okey. I’ll kill the NIGGER. Bat-Munk: Finally. The wait for me to be in-suit was longer than The Dark Knight Rises. Now we can fight! Super-Tigger: I should be able to crush you with no effort, but your suit is apparently just that good! Bat-Munk: Now I’m going to stab you with a Kryptonite spear! Super-Tigger Where’d you get that? Bat-Munk: I stole it from Luthor. Super-Tigger: I thought the Senator cockblocked her. Writer!Bantha: That’s why she blew everything up earlier. Super-Tigger: Wasn’t that FDR? Writer!Bantha: Well shit I suppose, ye. Bat-Munk: My parents are dead. Super-Tigger: No way, me too! Bat-Munk: Did we just become best friends? Super-Tigger: Yep! Bat-Munk: Let’s go fight Luthor. Super-Tigger: But wait what about my mum. Bat-Munk: I thought you said your parents were dead. Super-Tigger: They are, but Lexi has my mum. Bat-Munk: K. Lexi: I also cut myself! (*A loud roar is heard*) Lexi: And now I’ve created life, with some help from a pissed-off Gliscor. Gliscor: Mocking movie plots with Wikia jokes was my thing! Green Loygan: Join the club you pillock. Gliscor: ROAR! Green Loygan: Shouldn’t you yell “GLISCOR!” or something? Gliscor: ROAR! (*Translation: Well shit I suppose, ye.*) Bat-Munk: We need to fight this guy. Gliscor: GLISCOR! (*Translation: Am I cool now?*) Super-Tigger: We can’t do this by ourselves. Gliscor: GLISCOR! (*Translation: ROAR!*) Wonder Woman: That’s why I’m here! Super-Tigger: Holy shit Wonder is Wonder Woman? Bat-Munk: Yep. Super-Tigger: How about I go use that Kryptonite spear! Bat-Munk: Shouldn’t I do that, since it weakens you and all? Super-Tigger: Naw. (*He does the thing. Then Gliscor does a thing. Then Bat-Munk does a thing.*) The End. Super-Tigger: Hold the fuck up. That’s it? Writer!Bantha: Well ye, pretty much. Super-Tigger: You’re not gonna write anymore? Writer!Bantha: *sighs* It’s like 2 in the morning, man. Give me a break. I’ve already done a job at least equal to that of the actual movie. Super-Tigger: Wait was the movie shit? Writer!Bantha: Well, I mean, not really. I liked it, honestly. Sure it had problems, but every movie does. There are things in it I wish didn’t happen, but that doesn’t make them bad choices. The movie could have benefitted from another rewrite, probably, but I enjoyed it as is. If you like Man of Steel, you should probably be just fine. Bat-Munk: Then why are critics hating it? Writer!Bantha: Not sure, to be honest. It’s not great, but oh well. At the end of the day, the only opinion that matters is yours. Lexi: This is nice and all, but this quickly went from funny to serious. What gives? Writer!Bantha: *shrugs* Gliscor: GLISCOR! (*Translation: I for one, thought the movie was shit.*) Writer!Bantha: It’s a good thing you’re not on the wiki much anymore. I’d hate to see how you react to this. Super-Tigger: It’s okay. Reaction videos are outlawed now! Writer!Bantha: Well okay then. This has gone on for far too long. The End. Super-Tigger’s Mum: But wait what about me? Writer!Bantha: Dammit. Overrated Rap Battles of Undetermined Quality Season 3 will return… idk hopefully sometime before April? Category:Blog posts